Jokes

“Escrow” (an account held in trust) comes from the French word for “thief!”

Unethical advertising uses lies to deceive. On a more positive note, ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive.   Andy Rooney

There are three kinds of lies… Lies, damn lies and statistics.  Mark Twain

From letters to landlords…
-  The toilet is blocked and we can’t bathe until it’s cleared!
-  My stove backfires and burnt my knob!
-  There is a smell coming from the man next door!
-  The toilet is broken: where do I stand?
-  May I remove my drawers in the kitchen?
-  Our toilet seat broke in half and is now in three pieces.
-  The neighbor has a large unsightly erection in the back yard!
-  The farmer’s cock wakes us up early every morning!
-  Your repairmen put their tools in my wife’s drawers and made a mess!

A man asked to see the minister’s wife who was well known for her charity. “Mam, there is a single mom with eight starving children who are about to be evicted unless someone pays their rent.” “How terrible!” she said. “Who are you?” she asked. The visitor answered “I’m the landlord.”

The property manager asked a prospective tenant: “Are you employed?” “Yes.” She replied. “Children?” “Yes, a twelve year old boy and a nine year old girl.” “Animals?” “Oh, no! They’re very well behaved.”

A couple sees an ad that says “Beautiful large home in great shape $1,000.”  It must be a misprint, but they call anyway.  A lady answers and says it’s not a misprint.  They race over and find it’s easily worth a million bucks. They ask the seller “what’s the catch?”  The lady assures the couple there is no catch, but they are leery.  The lady says “ok, I’ll tell you the truth… last week my Husband informed me that he is leaving me for his secretary. He said I could have everything except the proceeds from the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he and his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean?”       SOLD!

Celebrity Mansions (don’t miss the last one)

Oprah 

John Travolta

Eddie Murphy

Arnold & Maria Schwarznegger

Jerry Sinefeld

OJ Simpson, Bernie Madeoff, etc.

WhatATool!

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